Boundaries

November 10, 2009 – 11:32 am

I took our neighbor to the emergency room yesterday evening – the second time in a month and both times from falling. The fall a few weeks ago required a CT scan and staples in her scalp. This tumble wasn’t as serious, but she has three cuts (one into muscle) and a very sore hip.

Neighbor lives with her son and I’ve discussed my feelings about him here before. While I don’t feel quite as negative about him as I did in the beginning, I do still have a problem with the way he talks his mother. She has difficulty hearing, so he barks at her in a very loud, condescending tone. This behavior was in full force when we went over to get her off the floor and prepare her for the trip to the hospital.

Once we were alone, I asked her if she liked having him living with her. She thought a moment before saying, “It’s alright. I guess it’s just hard to live with someone when you’ve been used to living by yourself.”

One of the things that bothers me so badly is the feeling of helplessness that we have since Sonny moved in. She used to rely on us to help manage her decreasing mobility – by moving furniture around, performing chores that she shouldn’t attempt, etc. Now, the freedom to do those things just isn’t there.

To provide an example, the reason her arm was punctured this evening was because the handles on her kitchen cabinet doors are very old fashioned and have sharp edges protruding from each end. She said she literally had to lift her arm up off of the handle after falling. This is the second time over the last few months that she has fallen and cut herself on the kitchen cabinets.

After seeing the damage last night, I suggested the handles be replaced with something that has a rounded edge. If this had happened a couple of years ago, we would have taken this task on ourselves. Now, with Sonny around, the dynamics of our relationship have changed so much that all we can do is step back and hope he makes the right decisions to protect his mother from harm.

By Brian | Posted in Personal | Tagged , , , , , | Comments (3)

Be Here Now

November 8, 2009 – 8:16 pm

Be Here Now
By Ray LaMontagne

Don’t let your mind get weary and confused
Your will be still; don’t try.
Don’t let your heart get heavy, child
Inside you there’s a strength that lies.

Don’t let your soul get lonely, child
It’s only time, it will go by
Don’t look for love in faces, places
It’s in you; that’s where you’ll find kindness.

Don’t lose your faith in me,
And I will try not to lose faith in you.
Don’t put your trust in walls,
‘Cause walls will only crush you when they fall.

Be here… be here now… be here now…

By Brian | Posted in Personal | Tagged , , , | Comments (0)

Michael Jackson’s Handwritten Letter To Photographer

November 4, 2009 – 9:21 am

Several years ago, Michael Jackson penned a very personal and heartfelt letter to his friend, William Pecchi Jr. Pecchi had worked in Michael’s film Moonwalker and was asked to accompany Jackson during his Bad tour to film crowd reactions. He often rode in the vehicle with Michael and this letter was a result of one of their conversations. This letter, which is being presented for auction, offers a brief glimpse into the mind of a genius and humanitarian.

mj_letterPecky,

I very, very seldom write letters, but in this moving occasion I couldn’t help myself. I want to thank you for putting the effort forward to capture the magic and excitement of the people of the world. What you do is a very personal and powerful medium to me. It is the art of stopping time, to perserve a moment that the naked eye cannot hold, to capture truth spontaneous truth, the depths of excitement in human spirt. All else will be forgotten, but not the films. Generations from now will experience the excitement you’ve captured; it truly is a time capsule.

I will not be totally satisfied until I know you’re at the right angle at the right time, to capture a crescendo of emotion that happens so quickly, so spontaeously. What you have done was good, but I want the best, the whole picture, cause and effect. I want crowd reaction wide lens shots – depths of emotions, timing. I know we can do it. It is my dream and goal to capture TRUTH. We should dedicate ourselves to this. The person who makes a success of living is the one who sees his goal steadily and aims for it unswervingly. That is dedication. There is no other way to perfection than dedication, perseverance. Just tell us what you need to make it happen. Take the leadership to direct the other cameramen.

I enjoy working with you that is why I asked you to come, you have a gentle spirit that’s very likable. Maybe I look at the world through rose colored glasses, but I love people all over the world. That is why stories of racism really disturb me. You hurt my heart and soul when you told me of your boyhood in Texas. Because in truth I believe all men are created equal. I was taught that and will always believe it. I just can’t conceive of how a person could hate another because of skin color. I love every race on the planet earth. Prejudice is the child of ignorance.

Naked we came into the world and naked we shall go out. And a very good thing too, for it reminds me that I am naked under my shirt, whatever its color. I’m sorry to bring up such past news, but in the car I was hurt by what you said. I’m so happy that you have managed to overcome your childhood past. Thank God that you’ve graduated from such beliefs of ignorance. I’m glad I’ve never experienced such things. Teach your kids to love all people equally. I know you will.

I speak from my heart saying I love you and all people, especially the children. I’m glad God chose me and you.

Love M.J.

More images of the letter are available here.

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BeBe & CeCe Winans Performing “Grace” On Oprah

November 2, 2009 – 11:46 am

A couple of weeks ago, I recorded the Oprah Winfrey Show because one of my friends alerted me that Wanda Sykes would be on. It turned out to be a treat in three different ways. Wanda was fantastic as always, but the show began with the story of Gregory Smith and Angela Montez.

Angela was working in a check-cashing store when Gregory came in to rob her. With a gun pointed at her, she began to plead with him and pray to God for mercy. After talking to her for a few minutes, Smith dropped to his knees, asked her to pray with him, and left the store without taking any money. This was the first interview where they had an opportunity to talk with one another and it was quite moving to see Angela’s faith and Gregory’s remorse.

The show ended with what Oprah called her favorite new song – a performance of “Grace” by gospel duo BeBe and CeCe Winans. It appears on their latest release, an album titled Still. I have probably watched it 50 times over the last several days. Here it is via YouTube. Enjoy!

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Michael Jackson’s ‘This Is It’

October 31, 2009 – 1:14 pm

MeAsMJLast Wednesday evening, I donned a wig, fedora, red satin jacket, black surgical mask, and a sequined glove to go watch Michael Jackson’s This Is It – a documentary chronicling the King of Pop’s last days. Before leaving, I jokingly referred to the four people accompanying me as my “entourage.” It turned out to be not far from the truth when they almost had to drag me to the car a few hours later.

As soon as we arrived at the theater, two women spotted me and freaked out. As other fans arrived, several began to ask if they could either photograph me or have their picture taken with me. Some brought their children to greet me, whispering in my ear that they wouldn’t know the difference. This scene continued up until we were able to go into the theater and grab some seats on the top row.

I had been looking forward to seeing this film for weeks, and it exceeded all my expectations. I saw Michael Jackson as I had never seen him before – a man in charge of the smallest detail, but a human being who was full of love and graciousness towards others and filled with concern for our planet. I have no doubt that the concerts he was rehearsing for would have been some of the best that the world had ever seen. It’s a shame that this is the closest we will ever get to seeing the final product, but also a blessing that his death has exposed so many more people to his message.

I had been expecting to have a strong emotional response to the film, but found myself only tearing up a few times – once when Michael referenced his brothers and parents, and again when he sang a few lines of “Speechless.” MJ was thin, but amazingly energetic and his voice was flawless. It was much easier to be enthralled than emotional.

As the film ended and we made our way toward the exit, people once again started coming up and asking me for photos. I met one very nice lady who insisted her kids stand beside me for a picture. She adjusted my hair, stood beside me for a snapshot, and then gave me a hug as other fans gathered around with cell phones and cameras pointed in our direction. She began talking about what a wonderful person Michael was and her eyes welled up with tears. As she walked away, I heard her daughter ask, “Mom, are you sure that’s not Michael Jackson?”

After posing outside the building with a few more beaming MJ fans, my partner insisted that I go to the car. I was getting quite a head rush from my five minutes of fame and also felt inspired that so many people in my area are fans of Michael Jackson.

There is an instant kinship among Michael’s fans. We understand what it means to love someone that the world considered to be outside the concept of normal. We know what it’s like to be ridiculed for having that appreciation, and to constantly have to defend someone whom most of us never even had the privilege of meeting in person. As crazy as it might have seemed to some, I felt honored that these people allowed me to be their substitute for the evening; a way in which they could continue to physically cling to the thing they miss the most.

By Brian | Posted in Personal | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments (3)

The Politics of Jesus

October 17, 2009 – 4:07 pm

“To follow Jesus is to be political.”

I quoted that line from a book titled If God Is Love: Rediscovering Grace in an Ungracious World in an article I posted over two years ago. I remembered it during a meeting at church earlier this week. Here’s the full paragraph:

The question is not whether we should mix Christianity and politics. To follow Jesus it to be political. The issue is whether our understanding of Christianity makes the world more gracious or less gracious. Do we work against injustice, oppression, greed, and self-absorption, or do we defend the status quo? Do we take seriously Jesus’s call to “bring good news to the poor,… proclaim release to the captives and… let the oppressed go free” (Luke 4:18), or do we treat Jesus as our team mascot? Republicans and Democrats, liberals and conservatives all face these temptations.

Our church is in the unenviable position of trying to find a new pastor. We formed a search committee recently and had our first meeting after our prayer service on Wednesday night. This experience is rather unique for me, since I’ve never served on a pastoral search committee or even remember a time when I was part of a congregation that was looking to hire a new minister.

During our meeting, we discussed what qualities we might be looking for in a potential candidate. Certain things seem very important (like education), while others (such as gender) seem quite irrelevant. As we began to discuss the theological viewpoints of an applicant, the issue of homosexuality came up.

I immediately made it clear that a pastor with an inclusive viewpoint would be of the utmost importance to me. After all, I explained, my partner and I would not feel comfortable continuing to attend our church if we didn’t feel welcomed by an incoming minister.

Although everyone seemed to be in agreement about this topic, concern was expressed by some about political views coming from the pulpit. I asked, “Is it possible to be a Christian without being political?”

Even though I wholeheartedly agree that a pastor should never condone a political party or persuade the votes of his/her parishioners, I do believe a true Christian has a responsibility to stand up for those who are maligned and mistreated by society – or as Jesus would have put it, “the least of these.” It’s incredibly sad that the rights of women and homosexuals – human rights – are viewed as nothing more than political talking points.

As I pondered the conversation later, I began to question my involvement in the pastoral search process. I recognize that I have an agenda, or at the very least a list of prerequisites that a candidate must possess. Even so, I also recognize that our denomination, the United Church of Christ, insists upon social justice and equality for all. I think to disregard that would be not only a disservice to our church and denomination, but also to the very message of the Messiah – the One whom we profess to follow.

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Deja Vu

October 15, 2009 – 10:01 am

Coming out is a never ending process. Exiting the proverbial closet is just the first step in a lifetime of disclosures about one’s sexual orientation, and I find myself constantly coming out to complete strangers – usually more out of necessity than anything else.

I recently decided to face my inevitable mortality and purchase life insurance – something that I’ve avoided even thinking about up until the past few months. During a telephone conversation yesterday with an insurance salesman, I explained that I wanted my partner to be the beneficiary on my policy. “Business partner or personal partner?” the salesman asked, providing me with yet another opportunity to out myself. He seemed unfazed by my answer, which is usually the case.

We are in the process of getting central heating and air conditioning installed in our home, which has resulted in several strangers having access to the house while we aren’t there. Although we haven’t had to verbally confirm our relationship, I am sure our lifestyle is quite evident. I noticed last night that I had a book laying on the desk in our office titled Love Makes A Family: Portraits of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Parents and Their Families. We also have photos scattered around the house of ourselves as a couple.

Up next, hiring a lawyer and setting up a will – one of the many legal precautions I have to take as a gay man to ensure that my partner isn’t left homeless in the event of my passing. Almost fifteen years after first summoning the courage to tell another human being the truth, I’ll get another chance to do it all over again.

By Brian | Posted in Personal | Tagged , , , , | Comments (8)