I had never heard of depersonalization disorder until watching the very disturbing film Tarnation a few years ago. This is an incredibly difficult condition to live with, as evidenced by the following quotes from DreamChild. She has had a lifetime of dealing with depersonalization, derealization, anxiety and depression, yet is able to describe her ordeal with amazing courage and clarity.
I feel at all times that I am dreaming, or more specifically that I am half-awake, incapable of pulling myself into reality. When interacting with others, I feel as though they are on the other side of an invisible barrier or pane of glass. I feel I can’t connect with them, not 100%, though I hear, see, and understand what they are doing and saying. And I of course appear “perfectly fine” and “normal” to those interacting with me.
My arms often feel they are not attached to my body, as though they are not mine. It is as though I have phantom limbs that I can see. This is most disconcerting as one’s arms and hands are so crucial to so many daily activities. This sensation waxes and wanes and is exacerbated by various kinds of stress.
I frequently feel certain areas of my body are “numb” or have “gone to sleep.” Everyone is familiar with sitting on one’s foot, cutting off the circulation and having it “fall asleep.” I have somewhat similar sensations that occur mostly on my right side, on my cheek and on my arm — but again I don’t believe these parts of my body have actually gone numb.
The numbness feels as though it only reaches down about a few millimeters into my skin. I will sometimes rub these areas to “wake them up” knowing very well this is again some irritating somatic symptom I have no control over though I know I shouldn’t feel that way.
When my DP is at it’s worst, I don’t want to move as it feels so odd, my body is not mine, I actually can’t feel my body, it feels nonexistent — it is though I am “merely a pair of eyes” and nothing more.
I talk in a whisper as I feel my voice is not mine. The world presses against my face and my face has a burning sensation. I feel as though I am only a thought — the only thought in existence. The world exists only in my own mind. I keep asking, “Who am I? Why am I here?” Though my “reality testing” is always intact; if someone asked me my name, where I was, what year it was, etc., I would be able to answer those questions. I haven’t “lost my mind,” I have “lost my sense of Self.”
I have obsessive thoughts about my existence; who am I? why am I here? what is this “lump of flesh” that is “Me”? Another DP sufferer once described this very well as a “stinging existential angst.” But this is not a philosophical, intellectual exercise (such as a Sartre-like discussion re: the nature of “being”). This is endless questioning about the nature of my very existence, and the thoughts seem to come in tandem with my perceptual distortions.
I feel as though my Self has “pulled back into my body,” that my Self does not “fill me out to my skin.” I literally feel that when touching something, I can feel it, yet feel it from a distance as I am removed from myself, or stuck too far inside myself.
Note, at no time do I actually believe these feelings are real. I know I shouldn’t feel the way I do; I want these horrible sensations to go away. In psychiatric terminology my “reality testing is intact,” I have “insight” into what’s happening to me and I know it shouldn’t be happening. I am not delusional or psychotic in any way.
Continue reading more of her incredible story here.
37 Comments
My first degree is in psych and I agree w/ you, this is really quite an amazing phenomenon.
I just added you to my feed aggregator! And since it’s a slow day at work, maybe I will update my blogroll, too.
yes it is true.
I am a 22/f and I have the same thing… I know it because what you’re describing sounds like the very experience i’ve been having and the very words i have been writing about in my journal. I have suffered from anxiety and panic for 2 years now, and they put me on these antidepressants about a month ago to help the stuff go away and because lately there have been a lot of life stresses present for me. I was unawares as to how else to handle the situation besides medication until i read this book on CBT, which is all fine and dandy. I just wish someone would have told me about CBT and other options sooner b/c now i’m taking off the pills, i have this depersonalization and derealization sensation worse than ever. I had experienced it briefly through the worst of the anxiety, but never like this. It is constant for me right now. That “lump of flesh”–yeah.. I can totally relate. Especially when I wake up in the morning. The people I know aren’t even real to me. It hurts so bad to feel so detached, knowing that once I was in this “flow of life” but now I feel like I’ve been derailed, and that my entire life up until recently has been a dream. OR that when i dream, my dreams feel more normal and in synch than when i am awake. To anyone, this would sound contradictory but to someone who is experiencing these things I guarantee it is not some philosophical exercise… It’s just plain screwy! I have suicidal ideation, and though the sense of living and death doesn’t really phase me anymore and makes me feel a bit apathetic and indifferent, it, ironically enough, it scares the living you know what out of me. I have horrible raging fits around night time, because that is when gets to be the worst, and now that i’ve been off these drugs for about 2 weeks, i begin to wonder if this isn’t withdrawls or if feeling will ever cease or if i’m ever going to get back into that “dream,” or whatever it was, where everything was essentially “connected” and i didn’t feel so estranged with my environment. It seems when i can distract myself with books, tv, or exercise, things are at their best and i’m not feeling this way. However if i’m in a crowded room, if people are still, or if things are still, or if I’m with a lot of people, it goes from bad to worse. Is there any relief from this???????
@ Maggie: My heart goes out to you. I have had my own experiences with this condition, but I’m not sure that mine has ever been as severe as what you are describing.
My own problems with this started after my bad experience with marijuana (which I’ve also written about), and left me in a surreal, dream-like state for several weeks. I had panic attacks constantly, to the point that I would start blacking out. I could literally watch my field of vision narrow down to a small circle and my ears would ring. My problems with this and panic disorder have gradually lessened to the point that I seldom notice either one, but it’s taken over 10 years.
Although I sometimes get a terrible sensation of disconnectedness for no reason, I seem to have most of my problems at night while driving. I start feeling like the road is two-dimensional and that I’m playing a video game instead of actually steering a car. That feeling often sends me into panic mode, where I feel like I’m going to have to pull over or have an anxiety attack. It’s quite embarrassing when anyone besides my partner is in the car.
I was originally placed on Paxil, an antidepressant that is really good for panic disorder. I don’t like taking medication, so I probably took it for only a year or so. It did help and my life has become as normal as is probably possible.
It sounds like you have a really good idea of how you’re feeling, so just talk to someone about it – whether it’s a friend, a doctor, or God. For what it’s worth, I’ve often found comfort in the words from Psalm 23 when it says, “He restoreth my soul.”
I believe that everything happens to us for a reason and that we usually don’t see what that reason is until later in life, so hang in there! I’ll be praying for you.
thank you Brian, for your words of encouragement.
I started having feelings of deja vu, about 4 years ago. Then, they turned into feelings of terror for no reason. I paid close attention, and soon realized that if I remembered something I’d dreamed last night, I would be overcome by the terror — heart pounding, nauseated, hot and cold tingles all over, and unreasonable terror.
The fear had nothing whatsoever to do with what I had dreamed. It had to do with the REMEMBERING the dream. I’ve had that for about 4 years, and tried various anti-depressants, etc. for it, without much success. Finally, I took myself off the medications and started taking an herb called St. John’s Wort. The panic attacks stopped within 2 or 3 days — completely.
Within the past 7 months, however, I have had another severe emotional shock, and just within the past 3 months have started feeling as if things around me aren’t real. I’ll be sitting talking with someone, and all of a sudden, it’s as if I’m seeing the room through a filter of some kind, and everything looks as it does in a dream. And sometimes when I’m riding in a car, somewhere, I’ll look out the window, and the landscape doesn’t look real. It looks as if it’s painted or something.
Anyway, I’ve been preparing myself to be hauled off to a rubber room somewhere, because I decided I had to be going totally insane, or else I had a brain tumor. An MRI showed a spike in my frontal lobe, so the MDs decided I was having fugue states caused by that, and my therapist told me, for the first time, about Derealization Disorder. In all my years, I had never heard of it, nor had I heard of people who had the same symptoms I have.
I came home and immediately looked it up on the internet, and I’m sitting here with tears streaming down my face, because I’M NOT ALONE!!! There are others who understand what I’m going through. It’s a revelation to me, and now I have an explanation for so much. The relief is overwhelming. Now, I can research it, and go forward with some kind of healing process.
Thank you all for posting, and may we all find health and peace very, very soon!
I had my first panic attack when I was 12 years old. That’s 46 years ago. The Dr. had no clue what I was going through nor did he have a name for it. He blamed on my watching too many episodes of The Twilight Zone and told my mother to have me take a nap everyday.
It got worse in my 20’s. I was living in a different area and this Dr. gave me valium and elavil. I certainly didn’t have the severe depersonalization that DreamChild had but I remember feeling disconnected to my body. I never even bothered telling the Dr. because I just didn’t think he would understand so I kept it to myself. Sometimes I felt as if my face wasn’t part of my body. I just couldn’t feel it. I stayed on the elavil for a couple of weeks then had the worse panic attack of my life. In my mind I blamed it on the elavil and weaned myself off of it and only took the valium during bad episodes of panic. I was also smoking pot and got so paranoid from it I had to stop that too.
In my thirties I had children and that helped. I guess because it took the focus off myself. I had them to think about. I also read a book called “Peace from Nervous Suffering” by Claire Weeks which described all the feelings I was having. That book saved me. I finally understood what was happening to me.
Now I am in my late 50’s and on a beta blocker which for some reason has stopped my panic attacks but a few years ago (when I found my son was a heroin addict) I became depressed and didn’t even know it. My sister and daughter convinced me to see a Dr. Now I am on Zoloft and seeing a therapist and for the first time in a long time, I am feeling really good. During all this time I became a food addict and got up to 344 pounds. I have lost almost 70 pounds in the past year.
I live on Cape Cod and drove myself over the bridge for the first time in 25 years a month ago. Driving out of my comfort zone of Falmouth gave me severe panic attacks. I was a danger to everyone because the road seemed to move around a lot.
So for 46 years I’ve been going through all of this but I improve everyday. Believe it or not blogging has helped me a lot. It is so therapeutic for me.
Brian, I love your blog. I am a friend of Wendy’s. Her son and my son grew up together and Wendy and my sister worked together for many years and are best friends. Moonbeam is one of my best blogging friends along with many others. Blogging friends are perfect for me–you don’t have to clean your house for them because they don’t visit you, you don’t have to cook for them and if you get sick of them, you just turn off your computer.
@ Syzyx: I am so glad you found this just when you needed to. You are definitely NOT alone!
I’ve heard great things about St. John’s Wort, but I didn’t realize that it could stop panic attacks. I had a terrible problem with them several years ago, but haven’t had a bad one in quite some time, thank God.
@ joanharvest: I’m so sorry that you’ve had to battle these things your whole life, but it sounds like you are getting a handle on things and changing your life for the better. Congratulations on having the willpower and the courage to move outside your “comfort zone!”
I remember you from Wendy’s blog, too. Isn’t she fantastic? I absolutely love what you said at the end about blogging friends!
not sure what i have. i took the DES (Dissassociation Test) in during a hurried visit to my therapist. Not quite sure it’s what I have, but do identify with some of the symptoms. The derealization i have is usually upon waking, following a nocturnal panic attack. i was diagnosed with sleep apnea. wonder if there’s a correlation. anyone have any info on that?
i am a 23yr old male and one day woke up to find i was in some sort of matrix kind of world form everyone else. Though i could talk to my friends and family it feels like im on the outside looking in. Everything around me just doesn’t seem to be real. i went to my local GP and she told me that i was suffering from anxiety but i didn’t really believe it as all i was doing was questioning myself whether or not everything around me was real. So i decided to look this up online and came across a website http://www.anxietynomore.co.uk, i then found out about de-realization and what it meant. i could of cried as it felt that i was the not only person who was suffering but it turned out that there were many more and i didn’t feel alone anymore. On reading through this website i found comfort from the fact that it told me to embrace my fear and that its just your minds way of telling you that its tired. Everytime that i feel that things around me are not real i tell myself two words ‘EMBRACE IT’ whats the worst that could happen. i hope that everyone who suffers from this manages to find their own way of coping with it, my heart goes out to you all, take care
This is truly amazing. I can’t believe i’ve been able to find people that can so truly relate. I feel like I was born an anxious person – maybe just because i’ve had it for long. But, nothing as bad as i’ve been feeling for the past couple of months. Syzyx – I can’t even tell you how similiar our stories sound. It started one day I kept having flashbacks to dreams I had had and it totally freaked me out and gave me my 1st panic attack in a long time. That’s also where the depersonalization started. Just always feeling like things don’t look right or don’t feel right. Constant state of worry – about feeling this way or having another attack. I’m trying to still live my life as normal as possible but it’s always there. Amazingly, when i’m out or with friends – i’m fine. As soon as i’m distracted by something – I don’t worry about it. Anyway, i’ve started seeing a therapist and hoping some audiobooks (Pass through Panic by Claire Weekes) will help. I’ve also been considering St. John’s Wort – not a big fan of pills but at this point – i’ll try anything. I’m frustrated and upset and confused but – i’m trying to be positive. I tell myself i’m not losing it…it’s just exaggerated thoughts caused by too much anxiety, panic and stress. Long story short – I can sympathize and would LOVE to talk anytime.
I just recently watched a movie called “Numb” and though it was a terrible movie, it put a name to something that I have been experiencing every time I stop taking Effexor which I started taking for anxiety. I had never suffered from these symptoms until the first time I tried to ween myself off of the medication. I feel like I am on auto-pilot and have to try really hard to seem normal while I am at work or in public. I get numbness in my forehead and brow area and it feels like I am swimming through concrete at times. I am currently trying again to get off of Effexor because it has left me with more problems than I started off with. I am 100% convinced that Effexor has caused this and will try to warn everyone that I can to stay away from this drug. I feel for all of you and it is comforting to know that I am not losing my mind. Thank you so much!
Toni, Brian, Stacie, Gareth — any of you. If you want to email me at any time, please do. I can’t talk to my friends here, because, although they are sympathetic, they don’t understand my symptoms, so can’t empathize with me.
It’s such a relief to know there are others who understand what I go through.
My email addy is: syzyxx[at]gmail[dot]com
Hope to hear from some of you.
Syzyx
hi…i am a 20 yr old female and i have been suffering from derealization since i was 14…i recently went out and partied with drugs and alcohol and it got a lot worse…i have not been able to snap out of it and it has been 2 months now…i am seeing a doctor and am trying to get on anti depressents becuase he believes he has seen my case b4 and pills have helped…i am really uncomfortable and this is the worst feeling ever! i am feeling everything that everyone above has described..and i am at a total loss…i am disconnected with reality and i dont know how to get back…if anyone knows a way please let me and everyone else know..thanks
@ goldensunshine: I don’t know what advice to give you besides it will most likely get better with time. Hang in there, kiddo.
Effexor has helped me a lot. Not sure my psychologist agrees but I’m just so glad it takes my appetite away. Of course as with any chemical we take regularly our body becomes dependent on it and going off the medication should be done with Dr’s supervision. Yes I have depersonalization and derealization as dream child does and I know it’s due to the trauma of abuse at my mother’s hands.
hi, i am 20 year old angel, i can definately relate to everything that u have said. i use to think that my whole body was numb but i realise its not, this feelings i experience never goes away ,i feel like my body is not even ah part of me like i am invisible, i am walking without my body, everytime i talk to anyone about this they think i am crazy or something, i use to wake up frightened at nite, breathing heavy like i am having a heart attack.At present i am on medication they dont seem to be working thou, how do i overcome this? can u give me some advice, i am just out of college and have my whole life ahead of me i cant bare this anymore. is there anything i can do to improve it???????????????? please write back!!!!!!!!!!!! ANGEL
@ Angel: I am sorry that you are having problems with depersonalization. All I can recommend is that you talk to your physician or therapist openly about what you are feeling. If you haven’t mentioned depersonalization/derealization to them, it might be a good idea. It’s quite possible that they aren’t familiar with the condition, and more awareness of it will inevitably lead to better treatment options.
Hang in there, kiddo. It will get better.
Im a 28 year old female battling this terrible thing too. I am heavily medicated and trying all sorts of spiritual healing stuff to just not have to bloody well think this obsessive thought, that ‘nothing is real’.
It feels like your life is being de-railed and snatched from under you. I have lost loved ones and people that I genuinely care about because I couldnt get it together. If only we could all put our minds together and come up with the one collective answer to what is a living nightmare. I like to think, if this is all of my creation, I would not be this miserable. I’d be happy or rich or something.
I need my life back.
@ Kim: Remember the nursery rhyme that said “Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream?” Maybe that author was dealing with the same kinds of issues.
I used to think that I had died and gone to hell and this continuation of “life” was some horrible cosmic joke along the lines of Matrix or Groundhog Day.
Now I just keep telling myself that if this is as bad as it gets, then I’m pretty lucky. I’m living a comfortable life and am very fortunate to have what I have. The feelings of disconnectedness aren’t fun, but manageable if you can accept that you have no real control over it anyway.
Not sure if any of this is very helpful, but it’s the way I’ve managed to (almost) come to terms with it.
Hey there.. im a 17 year old male, about 2 years ago i started smoking.. and one day i had a fag, and got a headrush, i thought nothing of it during the day time.. when i woke up the next morning, i felt incredibly ill and tired, and noticed that i was in a dreamworld/disconnected. i origanaly thought that it was because i was ill. within the two years iv felt exactly the same from the very first day. it feels that im constantly distanted from myself and the world, it seems dark and nothings real. but i appear normal to everyone else. theres like a veil over reality.im not a stressed person, nor have had anythin truamatic in my life. i was wondering if this had anything to do with derealization, because i just dont know what to do. it feels as though im not the same person anymore and feel i cant get on with my life. this feeling has been going on for over 2 years.
write back,
matt
Maggi, I too can totally relate to your experience with DP -you describe it very well.
It seems an awful lot of DP sufferers attribute their DP to marijuana smoking – I know mine was not however – mine was caused by stress caused from physical injuries – are there any other people out there whose DP is non-marijuana caused? I’d really like to hear from any of you – also, does anyone else out there suffer from time distortion – in other words, you actually cannot feel time passing – today feels the same as it did three months ago – like nothing happened between then and now – so weird – if anyone would like to chat, feel free to email me at seneca@entermail.net
Im a 44F who is suffering what seems like Derealization…I have been diagnosed with Depression/Anxiety/PTSD and now I hve this goin on. It stays with me every day…different levels of it thru out the day. I hate it!! I feel so out of it. I feel like I am a ghost or dreaming. I find myself monitoring all my words, my movements, my thoughts. I look at my husband and I ask myself is he real? Am I real? When i walk, I feel either numb or like I am floating…my thoughts seem to race…almost kinda not make sense jumping from here to there. When I am alone, its usually worse. Maybe cause I notice it more and panic sets in more. I feel like I could close my eyes and open them and find that all this is a dream. It makes me anxious too…shakey feeling.
Are others of you like this. To you fumble for words cause you feel that your words are not making sense??? I also get headaches…little headaches in my forheada and back of my neck. Like maybe some of you, I worry about a brain tumor. Have any of you had brain scans???
Id really like to talk to someone here who knows this exact feeling.
You can email me at angeliz8385{at}yahoo.com
Thank you
Hi there I am 45 years old male suffering form the same depersonalization/anxiety/depression and some heart problems on top of it all.I also have a sleep disorder (PLMD)it all stated about 3 years ago . I tried cymbalta which helped a little but made me feel numb so I went off it . I had a MRI and cat scan that were both normal.I just staterd to have panic attacks were I would almost pass out with high blood pressue spikes . I am at the moment trying to rule out any medical problems that could be causing some of these problems. Iam taking BP meds and Ativan that makes me even more tierd Because of all of this I had to stop working. I know how you all feel good luck .
I’ve delt with depersonalization/derealization now for the past 3 years after tripping on mushrooms. I think the question that plagues us that are aware is: “This(reality) as opposed to what(non-reality)?” As you said, you don’t know what it means for something to be real as we have no relativity to non-real to gauge its meaning. Everything then begins to feel fake as your meaning of reality is dependent upon its opposite to which means nothing. In this sense we could equally call this experience of being non-reality. I’ve found that living in the now, without future(desire) or past(regret) is what unifies the duality of meaning. Realization of the oneness that is all, the realization that nothing is of constant other than change itself, the realization that there is never any disconnection between anything, all is interdependent and never separate. Duality is a manifestation of the ego wanting to separate itself, to make definition, and draw lines. Definition is created through assignment of opposites. I think it is this obsession of what defines reality that is the core of derealization. Once the ego is removed through the realization of oneness, there is no need to define as all is one and the same. You can just be. As being then means the same as non-being. It is redundant to say reality as there is nothing to oppose it, it is infinite and without definition.
im a 17 year old male, (im a senior, now failing because i feel nothing is real and am so scared to be around to much people so i have missed a lot of school), well a year ago i found out i have a heart arrhythmia (constant abnormal beat) and it never bugged me until a few months back, a little after this school year started i randomly had thoughts of my heart stopping, or having a heart attack which lead to anxiety, and all out panic attacks where i thought i was having a heart attack and dying. now just recently i was in walmart and walking around and everything seemed not real i felt like a dream, and panic started comming, then a week later it happend in the mall. that was about a week ango and it started happening at school, i would be sitting at my desk and everything would feel like a dream and not real, i always ask myself what is all this? what am i? how did i get here? now i have obbsessive thoughts that nothing is real and i am totally stuck in this feeling, i havent felt reality for four straight days,
I am a male 17 year old senior in high school as well. I have been suffering from these exact symptoms for about 4 months now. I constantly question reality and I also feel that I am disconnected from my physical self. I also sometimes question while watching TV if the people on TV are feeling what I am feeling. I can’t stand this horrible paranoia. I seem to get small reality panic attacks sometimes when I am intoxicated in some way. All of this started back in November when I was experimenting with marijuana. I tweaked out really bad and seemed to lose connection with reality completely. I will never smoke marijuana again after that experience and I am so happy now that I found out there is hope for me to recover and reading this article and the comments gave me hope that I will be able to live a normal life. Thank you all for showing me this. I had no idea what was wrong with me.
helo my name is ibrahim .Abed’s son .I am writing this letter to ask you scientifically are depersonalisation disorder symptoms debilitating and makes their patient unable to function on the academic or vocational or social level,and thus me ibrahim a patient with chronic depersonalization disorder comorbid with generalised anxiety disorder i feel very detached and have limited and restricted lifestyle .why does my disorder make me dysfunctional?please explain this to my father abed who seems not very understanding to what is wrong with me,with regards
Ibrahim
@ Steve: It amazes me how many people on here can attribute the start of their problems with marijuana usage. I wish someone would do an in-depth study on this connection.
@ IBrahim: The wiki page for Depersonlization might be a good article for you to show you father. Here is their definition of this disorder:
Just a glimmer of hope here for you guys…
I was a chronic sufferer of this for a long time and I’m finally over it. It started happening when I was about 11 or 12. I was always a really nervous kid. However, unlike most people it didn’t start out as a panic attack or from smoking marajuana or anything. I can remember quite clearly when it first happened. I was riding my bike around town when all of a sudden it didn’t feel like I was riding my bike anymore. It felt like I was just watching myself ride. It just seemed like I was completely detached from whoever it was riding my bike. It then started happening in small “attacks”. Usually whenever I was away from home or out with my friends I’d always end up calling my mother and telling her to come pick me up because I was sick. On the way home I’d tell her that I didn’t feel “real” anymore. I’d tell her that it just seemed like I was watching myself do things rather than actually doing things. Of course at this point she just thought I was over tired or something.
At first it would hit me in small attacks. It would seem like I was simply watching everything that was happening around me as if I were viewing my life in third person. I then began to analyze things while these attacks were happening. I would look at my hand and it would seem like it wasn’t MY hand I was looking at. I would talk and it would seem like it wasn’t my voice speaking. I would look at the walls and objects in the room and they would lose meaning. I’d start seeing things for their material properties rather than what they were. For example, I’d begin seeing people for the bodies of skin and bone that they were rather than associate them as a person. Of course I’d know that they were people, I just didn’t get that immediate emotional response anymore.
The next phase of these “attacks” was the loss of my concept of time. During one of these attacks, I could think back to something that happened about 10-30 minutes ago (sometimes hours or days) and it would seem like it had JUST happened. Then I would get the “where am I?” “how did I get here?” “what just happened?” feeling.
The last and most frightful stage started to happen as I aged a few years and started to develop more complex thoughts. By this time these experiences weren’t coming in attacks anymore. It would just start when I woke up and end when I went to bed. In any case, I found myself wondering “Why am I conscious?”, “What is consciousness?” “How can all of this be real?”. When I started thinking about that stuff on top of the fact that nothing at all seemed real anymore, I really started to scare myself. I don’t mean startled, I mean really really really scared. My heart rate would skyrocket and id just feel like curling up into a ball and crying.
Just to put that into perspective for people who don’t suffer from DP. I was recently in a bad highway accident. The fear of being upside down sliding down the highway at 100km/h was nothing compared to how scared I used to get while suffering from DP.
Anyways, I kept having these symptoms for years. I went to see doctors. Had tests done. However, according to the doctors I was in perfect health. All hope seemed lost.
Then came my break. I can to the conclusion that it only happened when I thought about it. If I were preoccupied with something, It wouldn’t happen. Now, you might not agree and you might be under the same impression as I was. That it’s happening all the time no matter what you do. This is wrong though. It’s only because you’re so scared of the thought of it happening, it always happens. Kind of like a vicious circle.
The key for me was that I hit rock bottom. One day I just said “whatever. If the world isn’t real, I really don’t care anymore. If I’m mentally unstable and going to go insane, i don’t care.” Whenever the thought of DP crossed my mind I’d just keep trying to do whatever I was doing and ignore it. I eventually got to the point where I was inducing episodes of DP to show myself how it wasn’t even scary anymore. I’m 20 now and I haven’t had an episode of DP in a year or two.
So basically in my experience with DP, the symptoms are only as bad as you make them. The more you worry about these episodes, the worse they get. It’s a hard concept to put in motion (trust me, I know). But I can guarantee you it will stop when you stop worrying about it.
@ Steve: I really appreciate your input on this. Chock-full of good advice that should benefit anyone who reads it.
I often suffer from Depersonalization/Derealisation. I come and go between the 2 so often, I sometimes have troube differentiating from them. It’s the most horrible feeling in the world. It often happens to me after I awake from a “blackout” (faint) (I suffer from Dissociate Syncope) I awake and usually feel like I’m at somewhat of a “loose end” I feel like I need to do something, to occupy myself, but there’s nothing to do! And it feels like time drags on. I can sit on the sofa for 20 minutes and it’ll feel like hours. And I walk to different rooms in the house, to see if it makes me feel any better, but it never does. My Daddy wants me to take St. Johns Wort, any opinions on this? I don’t want to pump my system full of drugs… but if it helps? Please, suggestions!
- Lynn x
@ Lynn McGarry: I’ve heard great things about St. John’s Wort and wouldn’t be concerned about “pumping my system full of drugs” since it’s a natural herb. I know it is normally used to treat depression, but given that depression and depersonalization/derealization are inextricably linked, it might help. Talk to your doctor first, though.
I spoke with my neurologist, as he is my main doctor treating me. He says he sees no reason why I can’t take the drug, but does not believe in it himself.
Should I still take it?
@ Lynn McGarry: That’s your personal decision, but it probably wouldn’t hurt. Here is some information from the Wiki page for St. John’s Wort:
Excellent read
This is the first time that I hear about the word depersonalization, but its description matches with what I’m currently living. Due to stress and, financial problems, too many responsibilities I feel like my body is an autonome machine that still runs despite difficulties and my soul is abserving it.
I’m a developper of autonome systems and my body is turning to an autonome system that someone else has developped.
It’s very hard to feel being detached from your body and its performences.How can I overcome that thing?
Hey everybody. I am 30 years and I have not been clinically diagnosed with DPD but lately I have been putting things together and my symptoms sure do sound similar to yours. I have what I believe is a cognitive disorder from an adolescent trauma which I never told anyone and at the age of 25 I started having terrible problems related to this. I have also been told by my doctors that I could have sleep apnea as my breathing would totally cut off while I was asleep and it would feel like my heart had stopped for a few seconds. I spent over a year feeling like i was asleep yet still moving. I have experiences of watching people and things and not seeing them in my head or brain or mind if that makes sense. its like what i am looking at my brain could not process it. I have blackouts i guess even though I don’t faint. I am awake and moving around but I myself that I know isn’t there and my physical self seems to be controlled by something other than me at times.
I still have periods of forgetfulness where I can’t account for minutes and moments. However I believe that prayer and relaxation, with therapy really works. The Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is supposed to be good as well I am going to see a therapist who specializes in that. But eating well, Relaxing is especially important and remembering to breathe instead of panic when you can’t remember really helps. Staying positive and surrounding yourself with positivity reduces episodes. If you have alot of rage and other emotional issues like I have finding peace really helps. letting go of past hurts really helps.
I hope i was helpful
One Trackback
[...] I’m pretty sure that I suffer from depersonalization/derealization disorder. [...]