In Repair

“I want you all to know that Brett is my best friend in the whole world and I love him more than life itself. I beg all of you to reach out to him with the same love you have for me, he is extremely special and once you know him you will understand why I love him so much. Trust me, God loves us all so very much, and I know he approves of the love that Brett and I have shared for over 20 years.” - letter from Patrick Atkins to his family, 2000

Being gay is difficult enough without the added problems that can arise from unforeseen health problems or death. There are many rights instantly afforded to married couples that protect them during these times, and that’s one of the main reasons that I support marriage equality for all.

The following story about Brett Conrad is a prime example of what can go wrong if homosexual partners don’t take the necessary legal precautions in advance.

Brett Conrad spent more than half his life as Patrick Atkins’ partner. For 25 years, the men shared bank accounts, apartments and eventually a home in Fishers.

But when Atkins, 47, fell seriously ill in 2005, Conrad faced what many gay Hoosiers consider a travesty: no law guaranteeing them the same rights as married couples to participate in care decisions for their ill partners.

Conrad, 47, spent much of the past two years trying to win guardianship of Atkins from Atkins’ parents, Thomas and Jeanne of Carmel. Jeanne Atkins (of Atkins Elegant Desserts and Atkins Cheesecake) is quoted in court documents as saying she believes homosexuality is a sin and that she disapproves of the men’s relationship. The parents have barred Conrad from visiting their now-disabled son in their home where he lives.

The court record also shows that Pat’s mother told Conrad that if her son was going to return to life with his partner after recovering from his stroke, she would prefer he not recover at all.

Gay-rights advocates say the following documents are the bare-minimum protection couples should have to protect their property, health, assets and relationship.

1. Power of Attorney: Gives someone the power to act on behalf of another. It may be limited to a particular activity (e.g., closing on the sale of a home) or more general. Many couples have separate powers of attorney for financial and medical issues. A “durable” power of attorney remains valid until the signer dies or revokes the document.

2. Living Will: A living will is a written expression of how one wants to be treated if suffering from a terminal illness or injury in which death is imminent. It may express whether the signer wants life-sustaining treatments, including nutrition and hydration.

3. Appointment of Health-care Representative: Sometimes called a health-care proxy, often combined with a medical power of attorney, this document appoints a person to make medical decisions on behalf of another. In the case of a gay couple, one partner may need to have the document on hand to gain access to the other partner’s hospital room.

A medical power of attorney also may nominate the partner to be appointed as the person’s guardian if he or she becomes disabled. Without these health-care documents, only the person’s biological relatives will have authority to make medical decisions and will be viewed by the courts as the priority choice as guardians.

4. Will: Provides for the distribution of one’s property and assets after death. Gay people should specify their partners and all unrelated beneficiaries in the will to ensure assets are transferred without intervention from blood relatives. Without a will, only blood relatives of a single person have a right of inheritance.

Gay-rights advocates say nothing short of marriage rights can provide the legal shield necessary to defend against a partner’s relatives.

Without such protection, says the Rev. Jeff Miner, a pastor at Jesus Metropolitan Community Church, a gay-affirming congregation in Indianapolis, “you’re thrown upon the mercy of the family, and in some cases they’re not merciful.”

Source